Butt Kicking

Today is day 2 of staying home with a feverish sick baby. After last night, my butt is officially kicked. She slept for about three hours. And that three hours was sandwiched between hours of crying.

And the crying was because she was hungry but she couldn’t nurse. I kept trying and trying but she couldn’t breathe through her stuffed nose.

We have the humidifier running constantly at night. I don’t know that it actually works anymore.

So I tried saline drops and the snot sucker. No dice. I tried more drops and the Nose Frida. No dice. I need 8 eight hands to use that thing. She’s strong enough to push mine away.

Scream, cry, cry. Repeat.

I rocked and rocked. Tried to half-swaddle her (just her arms). This usually works when she’s upset but she was also hungry. And I couldn’t feed her. She won’t take a bottle from me. I tried that the night before last.

So we rocked. She cried. Her nose finally cleared enough for her to nurse back to sleep. And three hours later, she woke up feverish.

More Motrin. More saline drops. More snot sucker and Nose Frida. Angry baby. Rock rock rock.

Then The Mister came in with his magical baby dust, made her a bottle, and she went back to sleep.

Momma out.

Still Stunned

Having a baby still stuns me.
Mostly when I look in the mirror while holding her.
And her little face is just grinning away.
She’s grinning at herself of course.
And maybe her second momma reflecting back at her too.
The momma holding her is still amazed that’s she’s here.
Out of 24 eggs, she’s the only one that made it.
She’s the only one.

Making babies is miraculous no matter which way it happens. Conceiving without the aid of modern medicine has a 25% chance every month for healthy fertile couples. Conceiving via IVF renders a 40-45% chance for couples in their late 20s, early 30s.

Either way, there’s still a huge chance that pregnancy won’t happen.

I still remember the doctor telling me after the transfer of our one embryo, after he’d sandwiched it in between what he called the peanut butter layers, that what happens next they don’t know. They don’t know what happens between transfer and implantation.

They (the medical community) don’t know.

So I went with a miracle. A miracle happens.

A miracle.

And then we saw her little heartbeat fluttering away at the 7 week ultrasound. We saw it again at 9 weeks.

And heard her whoosh-whoosh at 12 weeks.

A miracle for sure.


Being seven months

Our happy little crab! I hope everyone had a safe Halloween last night. Little miss decided her only nap of the should start at 2:15. She slept till after 4:30 so we missed trick or treating downtown. She’s seven months. I don’t think it phased her.

In other news, baby girl is seven months old! Didn’t I JUST go into labor yesterday?? How have seven-plus months passed already? She is a crawling standing machine these days. No teeth yet but man do her gums ache. Poor babe. She’s eating like a champ though. We have cereal (oatmeal + rice combo) plus a fruit/veg purée twice a day. She likes applesauce but avocado and egg yolk are off the list for now. She still nursing and has bottles I pump at daycare. Daddy will give her a formula bottle a few times a week and sometimes she gets formula at daycare. I’m pretty sure with all this eating she’s well over 17 pounds now. Still petite but we’re slowly making our way into 9 month clothes.

Last week was a rough week. I’m having all kinds of mixed feelings about being a working mom. Even though I’m part-time this year, I’m planning to pick up AP classes next year and be full time again. That’s my teacher’s heart. My mom heart just wants to stay home and watch her attack her stuffed kitty and sheep all day and nurse her whenever she needs me. I feel like Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde. (And I’m sure The Mister would agree that I act that way sometimes too.) it’s just all very overwhelming and emotional combined with my memory still being complete crap. My scatterbrained tendencies right now are driving me nuts. I know getting fractured sleep every night doesn’t help. Sometimes I can get a nap in but usually not till the weekend. Ah… To have a night of uninterrupted sleep. I’m not sure I’d know what to do with myself.

Collage of life

I think I posted about the Project Life app on Instagram a while back. I’d never even heard of the app until Emily Ley posted about the app on Instagram. Then I found out Becky Higgins has this whole shop devoted to amazing scrapbooking collections.

I’m really glad they came out with the app though. I have no space to physically scrapbook anymore so it would have killed me to not purchase any of her collections.

To say scrapbooking on my iPhone is easy is an understatement. I love how these have turned out. I love them so much I applied to be on the Project Life Creative Team for next year. Crossing all fingers and toes!

And I just realized I sent in a sample with my application with a typo on it! There goes my chance. Grrrrr.

The sickness

Beginning with the first day of school, we’ve been battling sickness.

Little miss seems to just get over something to start up with something else.

I’ve been blowing my nose for over a month now.

She’s back in the swing at night to sleep. Poor babe is congested. Again.

It just keeps cycling through our classrooms and daycare.

But you wouldn’t know it from this picture. Love.


This pretty much sums up their relationship.

In other news, my friend Jenn is flying over/up for a visit this Friday! I’m very excited and we will knit all the things while she’s here. Well, maybe she will. I have a baby to wrangle. I know that crab will be eaten and sightseeing will happen. Can’t wait! It’s been too long between visits. And don’t ask me how long exactly because I can’t remember. I know Jenn visited our house in California so it’s been as long as four years since we last laid on eyes on each other. Too long I say.

Not ready

Have I mentioned little miss started crawling at 5.5 months?

This is not a bragging point.

This is dismay.

I’d really hoped for a few more months of rolling.

Because now life really and truly is over.

Just kidding.

Sort of.

Since learning to crawl, little miss is everywhere and fast. We block her inside of the living room. Otherwise she’s in the bathroom, bedrooms, and/or kitchen faster than I blink.

She’s now pulling herself up too. And bonking her head when she loses her balance. Which is more often than she’d like.

And because of all these new fun things she’s learning, her sleep is garbage. Which means my sleep is garbage.

Is it too early to enroll her in soccer?

Why I Stopped Following Fitness Blogs

Every time I go to the grocery store, I’m constantly looking for the best deal. Asparagus is $6 a bunch? Not the best deal. Spaghetti squash is $.49/lb? Best deal. Bananas are $.59/lb? Best deal.

Then I go online to find a new top or pair of pants and the comparison shopping continues. The Gap has a coupon but JCrew has my favorite. I get a teacher discount with JCrew but only in person or over the phone (I loathe ordering anything over the phone.) Carter’s is having a blowout doorbuster sale – better stock up on onesies for little miss. Pottery Barn Kids still doesn’t have that organizer on sale – keep waiting.

When I was pregnant, I used to compare myself to other pregnant women via social media.

Oh she’s 16 weeks too? But she’s not showing like I am. It must be fat in my belly.

Wow, look at her at 22 weeks. Barely a basketball. Mine could go through a hoop right now.

35 weeks? Really? I can hardly tell. But I am already being asked daily when I’m going to pop.

For the last six months, I’ve compared myself to other post-partum moms. Again with the belly. Hers is flatter or bigger or still there – unlike or just like mine.

The fitness IG accounts are the worst, in my opinion, for deflating a new mom, along with blogs of women that have two or three kids in tow as they do yoga on the beach, run around the block several thousand times, and/or work out in their driveways. I find myself constantly down about not being the active fit mom. For not being up at 4:30am to go to the gym every morning like I used to last year. For not having flat abs once again. For letting my thigh muscles wane.  For having jiggle where there wasn’t before.  For weighing less than I did pre-pregnancy but my clothes still don’t fit right. For having breasts that feed and don’t fit into a sports bra comfortably. For not picking up the five pound weights in between little miss’ wakefulness and working my biceps. And definitely for not having that flat belly back by the six week post partum mark.

At six months I should definitely have made some kind of progress in the fitness department. I mean come on! What else do I have to do all day long when I’m not working at school?

Never mind that little miss is back to waking every two hours at night. Never mind that breastfeeding is still working so I’m her midnight (and 2am and 4am) food source. Never mind that she’s not napping again so I’m trying to get her down by nursing, putting her in the swing, laying her in her crib, taking a car ride, wearing her in the Ergo pack, laying down with her. All in the same day. Never mind that there are loads of laundry to do, dinner to maybe think about never mind fix, vacuuming to be done, animals to take care of, and beds to be remade.

But I don’t have time to sit here and feel bad about myself for not looking like a fitness model or not doing burpees while little miss naps. She doesn’t nap, burps hurt my wrists, and I never looked like a fitness model anyway.

The Test

Little miss has her first cold. Boo. Some say we’re lucky she’s older than their babies when they had their first. All I know is she sounds terrible and I hate that she’s feels poorly.

So I’m putting my essential oils to the test. With infants, because essential oils are SO potent, it’s important to dilute with a carrier oil. I’m still using almond oil. I used 3/4 full dropper of oil plus one drop of lavender and one drop of Breathe blend (think super strong Vicks rub). Then I massaged it into little Miss’ skin after her bath, concentrating on her chest area.

I’ll repeat in the morning. But I can tell I’m already breathing better so I’m hopeful she’ll be breathing better soon too.

Months 3 & 4

Now that little miss is rounding the corner on her fifth month, maybe I should sum up her last two months, hmmmm?

My only excuse for the lack of blogging these days is this cutie pie:

Around month 3, we sort of fell into a routine. She sort of started napping but still in only 30-40 minute increments unless I wore her in the Ergo or we were driving a long distance.

Around this time too Maddy started sleeping in more regular chunks at night. Everything I’ve read about infant sleep is so contradictory. She is breastfed so she will wake up more often during the night but being breastfed doesn’t mean every infant wakes during the night. Some infants sleep for 8-9 hours from the get go and some just continue to wake up during the night till they outgrow it. Unless the wakeups start to interfere with my ability to function coherently during the day while teaching, I’ll continue to wake up with her. Even though she’s pretty much still asleep, it’s our time.

Little miss also started playing more and smiling a ton. Her little personality really started to emerge. She’s still a fish in water and still hates her car seat.

Little miss is now what we call “long and lean” at 25.25 inches tall and 13 pounds at month 4. This has been her busiest month of her little life. She’s learned to roll over and over and over and can do it so quickly now. Just in the last week she’s been up on her knees and hands often. I fear crawling is just around the corner!

She also traveled to California once again. This time the flight down did not go as smoothly but since we only flew one way I didn’t sweat it too much. We drove back home with The Mister. She alternated crying and sleeping the entire time. Thankfully, sleeping ate up most of her time spent in the car.


Like I said, little miss loves her baths and being in the pool at grandma’s was like a giant bathtub – temperature and all! She kicked and kicked her way around the pool – she just loved it. I can’t wait to start swim lessons with her next year!