Taking Stock

I saw this done on The Small Things Blog and thought I’d give it a shot myself since I’m up early.  (Original post here.)  Little miss woke up around 5am for a little early breakfast and snuggle then went right back to sleep.  Since we’re leaving at 8am to go pick up Grandma from the ferry, I didn’t see any point in going back to bed when I’d be getting up pretty soon after.  So here we are.

Making : a tiny sweater for my tiny daughter
Cooking : vegan and vegetarian things these days
Drinking : decaf coffee with a smidgen of fully loaded
Reading: Goldfinch on my iPad
Wanting: to get back into a workout routine
Looking: forward
Playing: “who’s got your hands??” with my baby girl
Wasting: no time planning out the upcoming school year
Sewing: all things useful
Wishing: time would stop
Enjoying: my little family
Waiting: for everyone to wake up
Liking: mornings
Wondering: what my daughter will be like when she’s my age
Loving: little snippets of time to write
Hoping: I don’t screw up this parenting thing
Marvelling: at how quickly my daughter is growing
Needing: just a few more hours of sleep (kinda wish I had gone back to bed!)
Smelling: crisp after-rain air
Wearing: no perfume these days
Following: my instincts
Noticing: how blessed we are to live where we do
Knowing: what’s best for our family
Thinking: about meal planning
Feeling: happy we have another couple of months off
Bookmarking: recipes and dresses to make for tiny daughter
Opening: lovely packages from lovely people

Would you like another?

I participate in a couple of infertility forum communities online. I’ve been with them for over three years. There are many many women that have struggled with infertility for much much longer than three years. And my heart breaks for them. I feel so sad for those still longing for a child. Just one. That was my prayer for those three years. Just one, God. That’s all I’m asking for here. Some of the women in the online communities continue to struggle with IF issues with multiple pregnancies. They go through the IF dance with each one. And some of those pregnancies were/are difficult till birth, every time. I am in awe of their tenacity to grow their families. They know exactly what they want and are willing to go above and beyond to fulfill the dreams they have for themselves. Little miss is only three and a half months old but I’ve been asked practically since she was born if The Mister and I would be trying for a second. After picking myself up off the floor, I give my standard, “Oh, let me just enjoy my daughter first.” Or if it had been a rough day, “Let me survive her first.” Now that some time has passed, I think I can safely say that she’s our one and only. I asked and prayed for just one. And she’s here. The emotional roller coaster we went through to bring little miss into our lives was devastating at times. I could barely hold it together some days. I skipped baby showers and left rooms when a pregnant woman walked in. I cried on the way home from work when yet another person I knew announced an impending birth. My want for Maddy was so strong that it overshadowed so much of my life that was happening around me. I spent many days in my own sadness. I couldn’t understand why The Mister and I couldn’t have a baby. All I wanted was her. And now she’s here. After so many tests and medications and procedures. She’s here. Our one and only. To go through the emotional strain of trying to get pregnant again with years added onto our ages compounding the issue is just too much at this point (I’d be close to 40 before I’d even think about considering another). I don’t want little miss to witness the strain or somehow feel the effects of it. I don’t want to put The Mister through all that pain again either. Once was enough. Though we’d go directly to IVF knowing our road blocks, I’d still live with that “what if??” monster. That monster beat me up, stomped on me, and then kicked me in the knees for three years. We don’t need that monster in our lives. There isn’t room for it.

First Flight

Just hanging out in Momma’s lap.

Little miss took her first round trip flight last week!  She and I flew down to California for a sad event that I won’t post about.  Instead I want to share all the things that we did to distract ourselves from the sad event.

Like visit with cousins.

My 19 month old nephew deemed little miss his and showed his love and affection in many, many hand pats and kisses.

Cousin’s hands are almost as big as her head! (Photo by my lovely sister in law.)

Aw. Kisses. (Photo by my lovely sister in law.)

Little miss of course ate up every second of the love.

For having her schedule (such as it is) interrupted for eight days, she did so well.  There were only a couple of meltdowns and it was usually because it was past her eating/sleeping/changing of diaper time.  Or because she was just sick of her carseat.  I can’t blame her.  I’d hate being strapped in a carseat too – in 100+ degree temps!

Let’s talk about the weather in central California, shall we?

It’s hot.  Miserably hot.  And it’s only June, folks.  We usually don’t travel down to California until August which is an even better time to visit (note the sarcasm.)  Actually, I take that back.  It is a great time to visit because it reinforces our good decision to get the heck out of there and move up to Washington where a HOT day is in the 70s.


Sorry, friends and family.  We love you but the weather alone is enough to keep us up here where it’s cool, the water is plentiful, and there are no state income taxes.

Momma attempts selfie with baby. Baby is having none of it.

Back to the trip!

Because of the heat, we hung out by the pool.  Neither little miss nor I actually got into the pool because really she’s too little to be in it or wear sunscreen BUT we were splashed a number of times by everyone else while we stayed in the shade.  Little miss is modeling a lovely lavender hat her daddy bought for her.  Note that she isn’t screaming.

Unlike the hat that grandma bought her.

Pretty sure she doesn’t like the hat.

But grandma redeemed herself with this festive piece of headgear:

It’ll be perfect on the fourth of July!

Besides modeling hats, little miss hung out in her birthday suit most of the time. It was just too dang hot. Even with all the fans and A/C going.

Two seconds after this picture was taken, she attempted to launch herself out of the buzzy seat, giving Momma the first of many panic attacks.

Speaking of fans, little miss LOVES her grandma and grandpa’s fans.

Hi, Mr. Fan!

The fans are EVERYWHERE in their house.  She could see them in every room she was in.  They captivated her like nothing else I’ve ever seen.  We only have two ceiling fans and they’re both in the dining room.  We might just need to find one for her bedroom…

I brought one of my baby carriers with me on the trip thinking that I might use it like I do at home.

That was stupid.  There was always someone more than willing to carry little miss around.  And there is nothing she enjoys more than Auntie Lolo’s rockings.  She falls asleep.every.time.  Auntie Lolo is the Baby Whisperer.

The magical Baby Whisperer

Here she is at Auntie Lolo’s house while Momma ran off to get her hair cut… by herself!

And yes, little miss fell asleep in that scrunched up position.every.time.

We saw many friends last week.  Retiring friends, road tripping friends, friends with twins, friends with dogs, friends from across the country.  We visited with family, soaked up all the hugs and love to save until next time.

Then it was time to hop back on the plane where the depressurizing of the cabin caused just a little bit of screaming but the white noise of the engine put little miss right to sleep.

Finally.  She took a nap.